my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
