I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
