Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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