Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
