So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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