Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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