What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
