she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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