I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
