i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize