it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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