And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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