She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
