Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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