It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize