The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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