if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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