He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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