Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
