those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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