four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
