STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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