ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
