I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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