Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
