Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it hurts more in the daytime
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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