You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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