No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
