I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.