I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.