I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
