he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
