I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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