Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize