I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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