She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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