Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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