Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
