I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
