Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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