and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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