dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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