A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
