If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize