also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
