just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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