I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
