I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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