When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
