"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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