Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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