I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
