He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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