my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
