i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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