Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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