you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
