Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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