Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
