i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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