You made me cry and you don't even care
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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