are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
