I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
