His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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