I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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